star mile

its been quite the month

i apologize for not writing more, i did at least try a few times
i have to be in the right mood though, i dont want my entries to be too plain and i dont want them to just be my thoughts
because even i dont want to listen to those sometimes :p

my car broke a few weeks ago, it got fixed
i had problems with my laptop, they are getting fixed
my stomach was upset, it calmed down
my job was boring, my love life stale, i missed my family and wished for more friends
i started a new each morning and hit the hay every night wondering why i hadnt gone to bed earlier

but here i am a month later and most things are either the same or have come full circle
and thats just how i like it :D

christmas was different this year, and i didnt realise it until it was almost past
the weeks before i thought nothing of the fact that i wasnt going to be home for the 25th of december
i knew that i was going to be home a week later and that i would celebrate then

although its funny how things just sneak up on you
i got to work yesterday and i knew it was going to be a slow day, but i wasnt prepared for how empty it would be
the day dragged on and on, i got my work done, i ate the catered meal, i talked with a coworker about his awful marriage
i watched tv and waited for my shift to be over
and all the while… nothing felt right

jana calls, which was nice, we dont talk all that often and when we do its usually not a real conversation
she tells me about her day and how no matter the fact that she is with her husband’s family, whom she loves, the day is simply nothing like the christmases she’s known

and her subconscious knows this in ways her conscious may never

i realize that no matter the fact that i have tried to reason with myself and tell myself that i am not missing anything
my heart knows that i am

my memory looks at the calendar and doesnt recognize what is going on, it thinks that i should be sitting on the ugly green carpet of my parents living room with my family

and im not really a guy who is big into family time
i love my family, thats truth, but i very rarely crave time with just them
its never really been a precious commodity… but my heart knows better
it knows that i need that
and for what ever reason it’s a stickler for dates

so on this 26th im a little more humble about my emotions and am looking forward to coming home for a few days :D

dave

One Response to 'star mile'

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1. We really miss you too!!
   I’m really looking forward to a couple of days with you!
   It was nice just being Mom & Dad for Christmas, but I really missed you kids!

   Dad

   27 Dec 06 at 09:41

    

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